Life- Poem

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I wrote this as a Expression of the lost few months I’ve been living. I want people to understand that even me someone who seeks the King of kings, I even have my doubts. I’m not just right here telling people to trust in God and hold on to him and just living a perfect life….

 

I live with this depression,

I blame all my sin,

People say Jesus paid for all of it,

Why than am I homeless,

Why did I face unemployment,

Where was God in all of it,

When I didn’t have money to pay for my rent,

Where was the government to help this men,

Where was the church when I was homeless,

Sleeping in their parking lot in cold winter,

By the way at the time I was a member,

Where was the Marine Corp,

When I went active,

And lost my apartment,

Only to step in when it was over,

Telling me I didn’t know how to manage my money,

Even though I recently faced unemployment

I was a church member and a service member,

But it doesn’t matter,

I’m not a niger,

It’s true, because i’m white,

I should be rich right?

Wrong I been fighting this battle all my life,

She was broke and poor and had nothing more,

I came out broken story,

But I keep saying, to god be the glory,

I do believe in him I have riches,

But it doesn’t mean I was have all these sufferings,

 

I fight this war in my mind,

Thinking why oh why does God have it out for me,

Maybe the devil went before the King,

On my account the devil urged god to strike me into the sea,

Like job in all his sufferings,

Have you considered my Servant Keith,

 

Joining the Marines drew me away from Christ,

Now my heart is cold as ice,

Day and night,

I think kill, fight fight fight,

But before this life, I was always pursuing Christ,

But now I just want to take away my very life,

Since the Corps took away my very human rights,

I went UA once, now twist,

Just went to go life my old life,

But pursuing Christ will cost me everything in sight,

So I conclude why not take my life,

Not way i’m in Heaven with Christ,

And this curse life,

No longer bounding like a prisoner without might,

 

I don’t know what to do,

Stay in the corps,

Walk away from my Lord,

Walk away from the Corps,

Get other than honorable score,

Worst than a felon,

Worst then a prison sentence,

Ending my life is the best thing I can think of doing,

 

I’m not who I was,

I lost my first love,

Now I‘m about to lost my,

For the cost of cost,

I now wonder,

Is there really a God seated on the throne,

If so nothing to worry about,

If not I screw myself.

 

Trying to End the Pain,

Telling to Devil to get away,

I think everything all positively change,

As long as God is still at work today,

 

I am so stressed out,

I needed let it all out,

Into a poem of all my doubt

 

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